(Barely) Surviving My First (Full) Deployment

The first week he left, my roommate and I were moving my and Matthew's things out of the old apartment, and I hurt her thumbs. That was Emergency room trip number one, which came less than a week after they left. Diagnosis was torn muscle tissue and tendons... Should be okay. Almost two weeks after they left, a guy blew a stop sign and crashed into us, in M's car. Banged up car, tow, couple hours later, emergency room trip number two. Follow up with my PCM and I have a referral for some physical therapy (and my elbow's bruise is darkening every day... hmmm...).

I quit my job and am looking for a new one. I wasn't making enough money and I was driving all over... Plus I just don't have it in me right now to give of myself to such an extent.

Tiko is mostly okay but definitely missing M and doesn't like the backyard cause he thinks I'm gonna leave him there.

Have heard from M almost every day, often by phone. Seen him twice on Skype. :)

Car should be ready in a week or so, so it'll be nice to have it back. :) (Thanks, of course, Bobby and Lizz, for letting me use your truck in the meantime!)

Already planning R&R, of course, like a good little Army wife. ;) Just kidding, I can't wait to see him again! I know it hasn't been that long, but knowing that the entire length of the deployment will be a year makes every day seem longer.

Had a Scentsy party last night with the lovely Christina Barnard as the consultant. It was a hit and I am happy to say Lizz and I will be enjoying some new discounted Scentsy soon!

Have to turn the keys for the old place in on the 30th and still have to do a truckload or two more, plus scrub it and fix a few things, and get pest control done.


I'm doing this because I have to, because there is no other option. I want to cry when I think about the what-ifs, and how long it will be in total. I am lonely in a very different way than the usual person's "lonely." I am overwhelmed, exhausted, drained, depressed, lethargic, listless, sad, lonely, numb.

I don't remember if this is exactly how I felt last time. No, it's not. Because last time (when we got together during leave and he had three and a half months left of deployment), I wasn't used to living with him, sleeping with him, eating with him... He wasn't in every bit of my life. Now, his absence is so prevalent I can't help but think about him all the time.

Before he left, it was easy to think about goals and getting things done during this year. Now, it's a lot harder.