Beginnings

     I am excited to grow. I am excited to force myself to stretch. I am excited to have new experiences. Yesterday I went indoor rock climbing, and I can't wait to go again! I am so excited for a new "hobby", a new addiction, truthfully! :) I am applying for AmeriCorps. I am considering doing a stint as an Au Pair in a foreign country. Maybe doing some modeling, just an amateur, just for fun and the experience. :) To increase my confidence in myself again. I want to go back to my chill old self... Not the party person so much, but the dirty, hippie-love, positive, relaxed person. The confident, independent, fuck-your-closed-mind, I-don't-care-what-you-think (but I still love you!) person. :D

     Climbing was AWESOME. I had the safety underwear on (or as you may have heard it called, the "harness"), and was clipped in, and Jen belayed me. I climbed one of the smaller walls and got scared 2/3 of the way up cause I looked down. Honestly I don't remember if I finished it (I don't think I did, totally) but it was exhilarating and scary. I sat around and watched everyone else for an hour or so, from a party of young girls to experienced couples. It was really neat to see so many different kinds of people scramble up these walls. Finally Jen got a chance to belay me and I went up this wall. It was incredible. It was taller than the first one, and almost at the top, I kind of got stuck. My arms were tired and I couldn't find a good hold. I sat there for a while, and my heart skipped a few beats, and I tried to call down to Jen that I was done and I couldn't go anymore. She just encouraged me to rest and try again. She called up some guidance and I pushed myself to find a better hold and before I knew it, I was moving upwards again!! The incredible high of reaching the top was fantastic!! When she brought me down, I landed my butt on the ground and just laughed and lay back. :D I can't even describe how amazing it was to do something I emotionally and physically thought I couldn't do. I saw those rocks, and looked at these people, some of them seeming to hop up the walls, and others straining to reach the next secure hold. It was such a beautiful display of positivity, energy, strength, and beauty. To then do it myself and have the rush of satisfaction and confidence when I reached the top -- after I told myself I was done, and couldn't do it! -- unparalleled!