My Therapist Says I Need to Eat and Sleep More

I drive myself crazy. I drink too much and stir up trouble for my own damn self with boys (men?). I don't take care of myself (eat, sleep, or PT regularly) and therefore don't manage a solid foundation upon which to absorb life's hits and twists.

How can anyone ever trust anyone? I think most everyone means their wedding vows when they say them, but then they mean to sign the divorce decree just as much. What the fuck? What are vows worth, then? What is any promise worth, if we can just as easily change our minds? Fickle humans.

I've always despised people who yearn for a relationship. I think wanting a relationship means you're weak and unhappy/discontent with yourself. Now, though, I find myself wanting a relationship. Not necessarily because I'm lonely (another common explanation I hear. As sidenotes I suppose because I am somewhat weak and unhappy with myself), but mainly because I want the experience of a positive, healthy relationship experience. I've never really had one. Matthew was my only "real, grown-up" relationship, and that was really not a good example of something to attempt again. I just would like to have a good time and smile and shit. Not feel manipulated and dirty and cry all the time.