So I want everyone to realize that this divorce is not easy for me. It's not fun, it's not exciting, it's not a great adventure. It sucks. It hurts. It really, really, hurts and really, really, sucks.
I initiated it because M never would. I realized that a long time ago. The only reason I am doing it is because he never would. And while my upbringing might seem to agree with him, it really doesn't. God and I had a talk about divorce about a year ago and He showed me why sometimes it's okay for His children to divorce. So I don't need to hear anyone telling me I'm going against His will.
You might hear me say how I want this done as soon as possible, and how I can't wait for it to be over... When I say that, I mean the divorce part. Not my marriage part. The paperwork, the stress, the angrey emails, changing my name back... It's just such a drawn-out fiasco that it makes everything suck more.
It breaks my heart that the marriage part is over. It drives me to tears to think about how much M hates me. I still want to be friends, I still want to be able to laugh with him,
So he's coming back early. If I was still counting, it would mean we are already over halfway. That's pretty much the best surprise you can get during a deployment. But the way things are right now, it sucks. I wanted the divorce final before he got back, but I highly doubt that's going to happen. I am definitely afraid of what M and his anger will do.
I'm giving up/losing a lot in this divorce. I've already moved out here for him, and created a life here around my marriage, but I'm determined to keep as much of my life here as I can, for now. I have friends, good ones; I have work (more than I can say for NV)... I feel like moving back to Reno now would be like saying all I did while I was here was live for M, and that's not true. I made my own life here, and I can keep living it if I want.
I initiated it because M never would. I realized that a long time ago. The only reason I am doing it is because he never would. And while my upbringing might seem to agree with him, it really doesn't. God and I had a talk about divorce about a year ago and He showed me why sometimes it's okay for His children to divorce. So I don't need to hear anyone telling me I'm going against His will.
You might hear me say how I want this done as soon as possible, and how I can't wait for it to be over... When I say that, I mean the divorce part. Not my marriage part. The paperwork, the stress, the angrey emails, changing my name back... It's just such a drawn-out fiasco that it makes everything suck more.
It breaks my heart that the marriage part is over. It drives me to tears to think about how much M hates me. I still want to be friends, I still want to be able to laugh with him,
So he's coming back early. If I was still counting, it would mean we are already over halfway. That's pretty much the best surprise you can get during a deployment. But the way things are right now, it sucks. I wanted the divorce final before he got back, but I highly doubt that's going to happen. I am definitely afraid of what M and his anger will do.
I'm giving up/losing a lot in this divorce. I've already moved out here for him, and created a life here around my marriage, but I'm determined to keep as much of my life here as I can, for now. I have friends, good ones; I have work (more than I can say for NV)... I feel like moving back to Reno now would be like saying all I did while I was here was live for M, and that's not true. I made my own life here, and I can keep living it if I want.
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