It won't be "official official" until August 2nd, but it's about as clear as it could be now. I will be raising this baby by myself.
I have total faith that God will provide a father/husband in the future, or plenty of influential male figures to fill the role of father figure. I am still astounded by the blatant disregard of the paternal figure [not] in this picture. It is abhorrent and disgusting that it is so acceptable to turn your back on your responsibilities and the consequences of your actions and just walk away. I guess I am seriously above the fucking norm by responding to my duty and obligation and actually making the decision to be and accepting the responsibility of being a parent. I am seriously not asking for anything insane; simply a commitment to being a parent. I don't give a fuck who you date or sleep with. But I do give a damn who has a say in raising my kid.
I guess I seriously need to look at the positive of this. Thank God I don't ever have to discuss any parenting decisions with anyone. I don't have to share my kid with anyone I don't want to. I don't have to consider anyone else's feelings, work schedule, or priorities. I don't have to cry about and depend on child support. I don't have to wait for anyone else's input or work with anyone else in raising this kid. I guess I'm not too good at sharing anyways.
Obviously this baby was a surprise, so I wasn't exactly picking out a father that night, if you catch my meaning. This way I DO get to pick out the perfect father. One who is a strong Christian, who has the same beliefs, values, and morals I do, who has similar child-raising ideas, who will actually care about me and my baby. One who the Lord leads me to. Or not. I kind of think I've been called [cursed?] to singleness (just call me St Paulina) sometimes; but again, not sharing definitely simplifies things. I've already been married once, I'm a little skeptical I'll ever be crazy in love like that again. So maybe I'll just wait for the ex to "come around" and join my crazy God-lovin side. ;D Until then, I'll do my own damn thing.
I have total faith that God will provide a father/husband in the future, or plenty of influential male figures to fill the role of father figure. I am still astounded by the blatant disregard of the paternal figure [not] in this picture. It is abhorrent and disgusting that it is so acceptable to turn your back on your responsibilities and the consequences of your actions and just walk away. I guess I am seriously above the fucking norm by responding to my duty and obligation and actually making the decision to be and accepting the responsibility of being a parent. I am seriously not asking for anything insane; simply a commitment to being a parent. I don't give a fuck who you date or sleep with. But I do give a damn who has a say in raising my kid.
I guess I seriously need to look at the positive of this. Thank God I don't ever have to discuss any parenting decisions with anyone. I don't have to share my kid with anyone I don't want to. I don't have to consider anyone else's feelings, work schedule, or priorities. I don't have to cry about and depend on child support. I don't have to wait for anyone else's input or work with anyone else in raising this kid. I guess I'm not too good at sharing anyways.
Obviously this baby was a surprise, so I wasn't exactly picking out a father that night, if you catch my meaning. This way I DO get to pick out the perfect father. One who is a strong Christian, who has the same beliefs, values, and morals I do, who has similar child-raising ideas, who will actually care about me and my baby. One who the Lord leads me to. Or not. I kind of think I've been called [cursed?] to singleness (just call me St Paulina) sometimes; but again, not sharing definitely simplifies things. I've already been married once, I'm a little skeptical I'll ever be crazy in love like that again. So maybe I'll just wait for the ex to "come around" and join my crazy God-lovin side. ;D Until then, I'll do my own damn thing.
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