Thoughts...

I am beautiful, no matter what they say

When I see your face, there’s not a thing I would change/Cause youre amazing, just the way you are

     These sentiments, expressed in popular songs, are unfortunately not echoed loudly enough in our society or general ideals. We have plastic surgery, gyms, hair dye, hair straighteners, makeup, teeth whitening, slimming clothes and outfits, colored contacts… Innumerable ways to change your appearance. I believe that deep down, the resounding bass to the hum of our American lives is to make everything “better” than it is. The other side of making something better can be that the way it is is not good enough. And last night, that’s what I realized I tell myself. I tell myself that I am not good enough. My inner voice says I can’t handle things. That I have limits and I am too close to them. My inner beliefs are not positive, right now. They say I don’t have the staying power to finish my degree in a year. That I can’t emotionally handle an intense job while my husband is deployed. That I don’t have enough energy to work out.

     My point is almost all my beliefs are negative. My inner voice is discouraging, dragging me down. That is not how I want to be. It makes me bitchy – snappish and irritable. It makes me depressed and tired – because I “can’t” do anything. Ugh, just pondering the reality of it makes me feel overwhelmed.

     These thoughts are ridiculous, and depressing. I am AMAZING. I am STRONG. I am BEAUTIFUL. I CAN do whatever I want. I do not need to feel like I “must” or “should” do something. Or if I didn’t do something, I don’t have to feel guilty! What an epic waste of time – to feel guilty about something that I cannot change! Forgetting a lunch date, perhaps. Oops! Oh well! I am sorry, but goodness gracious, why the hell should I torture myself with guilty and self-deprecating thoughts? I am realizing how much time, thought, energy, and emotion I spend in negativity. Towards myself! I am just shocked, saddened, and a little afraid. Obviously I hear my own inner voice more than anything else, and negative self-talk is the most crippling thing I can think of.

     I am going to change this. I am! I am going to CHANGE my voice to ENCOURAGEMENT, SELF-LOVE, and PEACE. I am going to be OKAY with myself – when I think I look mismatched and messy, AND when I think I’m being girly and “trying hard.” None of those adjectives need to be negative. Either sort of day is FINE. :) I am going to re-teach myself to be OKAY with everything. If I don’t get everything done I want to, that is OKAY. I am not going to beat myself up about it. If I feel lazy, I will either do something or change my negative thought of “lazy” to a positive choice of “relaxing”.

     All I know is instead of stress knots in my back and shoulders, I am going to bring back the smile to my insides, the laugh to my voice instead of the criticism. I am going to stop trying to MAKE things happen, overplan, make everyone happy – I’m going to just mellow out and be okay with how things are. After that, if I want to change things, that’s okay too. But satisfaction, peace, and contentment are the new goals for me! :)


Haha I seriously sing this song to myself sometimes, when I'm freaking out:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/177309713